So now what?

After a grueling 9 months of having changed 3 different countries, I am back home. Not home, as in Colorado, since I've already been here a little over a month. But back home as in, in my own house..basement n' all. That's right. I am finally home. Now I can undertake all the projects I wanted to complete, I can even adopt a dog, convert one of the rooms into a studio. The possibilities are infinite..or so it seems at the time of this writing. I have a monkey, fickle brain, and all of this optimism about the bright, shiny future that lays dormant ahead of me could vanish as fast as a box of chocolates.

But I don't think I will ever be ungrateful for what I have been graced with, in terms of this home. When I think of the many months I spent in Belgium in captivity under the watchful eyes of a borderline personality disordered lover, almost in the manner a caged bunny, I can't help but feel grateful that I am free, and at home. I will never forget the way he looked so amused and empowered with his new pet (me), locked up in a home, in a country that was anything but cozy for her, as day after day he grew sicker and sicker. In the end, I started to doubt my own sanity. Had I really moved across the ocean to be with a boy I'd met online? Had I really bought into all of this 23 year old's promises of eternal, undying love? Had I really sold all my furniture, rented my home, and left behind my cat who had been the only consistent thing in my life? Had I? Had I? Yes, I had. Perhaps it was I who was so insane.

Then I think of the transition to Turkey. The values, the customs, the worldviews, the faces all different. A vast world apart from my own. I couldn't stand it. I wanted nothing to do with this alien world.

I am happy to be home.